we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
