You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
