She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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