my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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