she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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