Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
