R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
