when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
