So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
wakey wakey hands off snakey
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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