They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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