I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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