Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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