My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
