I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize