Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
