i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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