Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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