So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i think i have herpe
just one?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
