A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
