So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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