i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
