i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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