You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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