Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He felt like a one man threesome
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
