I think I won the penis lottery.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
