clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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