if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Actions speak louder than pants.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
