The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
