I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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