Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
