i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
