I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
