You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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