So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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