I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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