apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
