So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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