she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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