I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
