and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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