it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
this hospital has no fireball
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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