does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
