Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
