Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
