A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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