Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize