I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My cat gives me a boner
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
