Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
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At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
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