Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
