what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
