Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
