i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
