you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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