went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
