need another drink. this is the easiest way
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
