maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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