I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
