Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
