Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
