I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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