I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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