honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
