I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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