he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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