I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
