Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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