Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Found your dick twin last night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
