why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
