I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
