a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize