My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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