I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
